Are you saying here that if they try to stop, then they are not an abuser? Late nights are not normal during the week and i dont want our son to think it is. He stays collected the entire time saying how sorry he feels for me as his crew talks down on me calling me a psychopath. Then by the time they leave im in tears asking him why he does this to me. (im not a communicator)the numerous people he would run to and talk behind my back was so degrading and humialting,his family and friends were amazed why he was with someone like me and i was being judged,but at most times they were even acting confused as they would tell me how good i was for him and that they liked me alot,ivé never been in this situation before in my life and recently i left after 4 yrs of being in a yoyo relationship,i will never put myself in that position again and feel at peace with myself and no matter who they meet they will always remain the same,i was so tired of the yelling and screaming,and speeding in the car,the gambling,pot and booze and infidelity,one day ill meet someone who id worthy with showing there love and empathy,i look forward to leading a normal life now :-) It's also the reason he does everything he can to make sure he's the number one thing on your mind - he makes sure he does not give you the mental space, or peace, you need to see things clearly.
It’s not at all unusual for a person in an abusive relationship to REACT abusively.
This does not mean YOU are the abuser, that you are crazy, have PMS etc. — though the abusive partner will try to convince you that YOU are THE problem and will often succeed in guilting you into believing it.
He said that I would be taken to jail and that I would never see my kids again, that I had been abusive to him. I still feel ashamed about my own behaviors while we were married, nothing will change that, but I know now that maybe I was driven to it. I am just lost right now and I swear if I am happy he is angry. He tells me to act right and he will treat me right. He invites his friends over and then starts to push my buttons, although no one notices because they dont know the things that upset me. Hello thankyou for your page,ivé been studying this behaviour for aprox 12 months while i was in my relationship and i wasn't even aware that he had a name,i was confused and hurt and thought i was going mad and everytime i defended myself i was being blamed for everything and that i was in fact the abuser,at some times i was starting to question myself,i know im no angel and i did stand up to him and said some pretty nasty things back to him but i felt defensive and angry that someone who claims they love you can treat you like that!
Sometimes I wish he had just beaten me, it would have made it so much easier to leave. NO Anonymous - that is not what this article is suggesting at all. For example, ever since our son was born i like to keep late company strictly on the weekends. By the time 1 oclock strikes, im full blown bi"#h mode. He says he doesnt love me he loves his dad that he cant stand me and hates my is 2. Now i feel so much more at ease that i actually suffered from reactive abuse,i just didn't have a name for it but i knew in my heart i didn't start the fights i was merley reacting to his verbal and emotional abuse and the amount of times i tried to talk to him about his anger issues he would just project it on me saying i cant talk to you(that used to confuse me so much because i was the only one who actually approached him numerous times to talk and only hearing him say back to me-i dont want to!
Abusers do not take responsibility for their own actions, and in fact often blame the abused. I was abused by a NArrastic male who pretends to have Asbergers...